How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
