she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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