im having a threesome with these popsicles
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
