Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You can't special order awesome
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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