are you so shy because you have an std?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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