Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
