ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
