Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
