i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
