I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
