M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
