Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
