the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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