I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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