Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
