and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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