I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
