Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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