I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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