Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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