I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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