no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
