I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
