why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
