Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
