I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
