So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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