the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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