I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
