I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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