Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
