I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize