i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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