Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was like eating out sand paper
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
