This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
