battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
