I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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