He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just had sex on a roof
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
