I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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