I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
