the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
