I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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