Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
