john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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