and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize