I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i've created a new STD.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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