I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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