I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
