i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
