Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize