I hate your face
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
