i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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