Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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