I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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