I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
