I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize