I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
