She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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