so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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