i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
