Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
