How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
