I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
