Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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