I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
