how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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