So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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