I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
