So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
