I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
