you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
