Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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