am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
