My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
