thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
