You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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