how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize