After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
