I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry about my life...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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