i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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