If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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