Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
