Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
