Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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(469): View more from Texas

It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.

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(214): View more from Texas

Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night

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(315): View more from New York

Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.

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(207): View more from Maine

I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch

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