i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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