Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
