oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you never un-have a 4some
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
