Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
