He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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