I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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