why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
