Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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