I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are my feet made of real feet?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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