I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize