so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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