Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
