did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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