just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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