my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
