So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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