I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
