): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
