You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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