last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
