I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize