It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
