haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
