where am i from again
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
two words: eviction party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
